The One You Really Love

{I do believe
our love is in danger}

It is late and I should have been asleep hours ago. I cringe at the harsh sound my sensible heels make on the expensive Italian tile that covers the floor of my home.

My home. It has never been yours. You just spend time here.

{I might as well
be loving air}

What happened to us? Scratch that. There was never an 'us'. There was just my childish obsession for you, and your obsession with duty.

{You look at me
like I'm a stranger}

I can hardly bear to even be in the room with you now. Your expression never wavers, but I don't need to be told just how miserable you are. If nothing else I have learned to read the Yuy mask.

{You look at me
like I'm not there}

I would ask for divorce… but I think your stupid obsession with honor and duty has spread to me. After all my efforts to trap you in this marriage… and it was a trap, now that I've won, taken everything from you… how could I turn you away?

Could you support yourself? Would you even care to? If you are like this while trying to put up a façade of normalcy, I hate to think of what you would do if left alone.

{I gaze into
your eyes of blue}

I have no one to blame but myself. I wonder if you also blame me? It is very probable. Only your precious duty keeps you here in what I can only imagine is a sort of constant torment.

{But their beauty
is not for me}

I can still clearly remember the day I realized my grievous error.

{You're thinking of
Someone who's gone}

All it took was one radio announcement 'Ex-Gundam Pilot Self-Destructs in Space'. The expression of grief and sorrow on your face… I didn't need to be an empath to see your heartbreak.

{You're thinking of
The one you really love}

In that moment I knew you were never mine. And that the one you truly loved was gone.

{I made you mine
Or so it seemed}

At an altar we pledged our lives to each other. But not our hearts. Ours would never be a true marriage. And I knew even before you silently walked to your separate suite that my wedding bed would be a cold one.

{Though he is dead
He haunts your dreams}

Even with the thick walls of the palace between us I could still hear you. I never knew or imagined that you could make such noises of despair. That lasted one night. I've never heard anything like that since...

{I might as well
be 2 feet tall
You never will
love me at all}

I know I could never imagine your pain. I can't pretend to have the right to empathize. It was because of my direct orders that you received yours. My fault.

In my grief/guilt I sent all my resources to space to recover the Gundam and body. Body. I can't even bring myself to say his name.

{I gaze into
your eyes of blue}

Oh Heero, what have I done? I found out later what they told you. That they'd hurt him. I swear I didn't know.

But that doesn't matter now, does it? Nothing can change the past no matter how much I regret I cannot make it right.

{But their beauty
is not for me}

I have to stop this. I have to let you go.

What you do is up to you, but I cannot hold you here any longer. Right? Am I doing the right thing now? It has been a year of pain. Too long. This ends now.

{You're thinking of
Someone who's gone}

This part of the palace is so foreign to me. I've barely been here at all. Oddly, it seems so somber, though I know it was not meant to be so.

I never thought white could be such a sorrowful color.

{You're dreaming of
The one you really love}

I feel silly knocking on a door in my own home. But you need your privacy, even if you are taking forever to answer.

Heero? Screw this I'm going in.

{You're dreaming of
The corpse you really love}

No. Oh no. HEERO!!!!